Sick? Blame your Doctor.

Chinese-Medicine

I was at my GP yesterday, and I decided to ask him for my appointment to be free; because I was still sick, and he hadn’t been able to fix me. I didn’t really, but I coulda.

As ludicrous as this may sound, in Ancient China (and some other countries too) that was precisely the way it worked for over 3,000 years – minus the past 300 or so. You paid the doctor to keep you well, and when you got sick, the payments ceased, making the Doctor work harder to get you better. A Doctor’s income was determined by how healthy his patients were.

The Chinese have a saying, “It is easier to close the stable doors than it is to chase down the wild horses”. If your horses have bolted, then you clearly were not getting the care you needed from your Doctor, and I always think it’s nice to be able to blame somebody, don’t you think?

Seriously though, I have a lot of respect for Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). The five arms of TCM include dietary therapy (being the most important as the premise is that with the right nutrition, a body can heal itself), acupuncture, herbal medicine, massage and bone setting and martial and meditative arts. The focus is very much on prevention and health maintenance, such a far cry from how our Medical model works today. I use the word ‘works’ loosely.

Much as I want to blame the Doctor, I’m aware that the root cause is a faulty community mindset due to a lack of education on what real health is all about. Add to this our convenient GMO, highly processed, sugar, fat and salt laden diets with a side-dish of over-scheduled, debt-ridden, stressed-out, chemically-toxic death-styles.

Those ancient Chinese Doctors must have seen that coming this last 300 years. Who wants not-get-paid by their doughnut-munching, alcoholic, workaholic, overweight, sugar, fat, salt-addicted clients?

I’m only just learning about real health now. I thought I was healthy before, with my slab of steak and tiny side of broccoli and carrot, my dairy, my coffee, my processed treats. I was kidding myself. I did try to follow a traditional Chinese diet for my kidney constitution, but it was not too helpful as things like turtle and chicken’s testicles are hard to find at Coles.

It was also suggested by a TCM Doctor that two serves a week of semen from a physically/psychologically healthy male for three months would get my Chi back in order and help my Chronic Fatigue go away. She told me my condition was too far gone to simply take the semen capsules (not as “potent” excuse the pun). Hm. I didn’t know what was worse, canvassing for a healthy male donor or ingesting the semen of some “unknown” in capsule form.

I’m not saying they have a monopoly on health, some of it’s unquestionably a bit dodgy. However, there is something to be gained by doing your own research and working out what is right for you.

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Online shopping better than an orgasm.

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I should clarify, better than an orgasm for most chronically ill people.

This is a powerful and wonderful tool and anybody who knows me will be sick and tired of hearing me say with wide-eyed awe, “How do they do it???? Four-dollar delivery!!!!! Or free if you choose ‘flexi time’ AND they actually SHOP FOR YOU and then, THEN, they DELIVER IT TO YOUR DOOR, no kidding. SERIOUSLY. And and, AND, the guy, walks in and PUTS IT ALL ON THE BENCH FOR YOU.. for FOUR DOLLARS!!!” GET AWAY! GET AWAY!!!! No. no. its not true. It can’t be!!

You do the shopping from the comfort of your lounge, bedroom or toilet. Your personal account has a saved ‘bought before’ list so once you’ve populated that, it prompts you to get all the stuff you usually get so you wont forget anything. GENIUS.

With an expression of pure rapture and rather like somebody with advanced dementia and only the one story to tell, I can tirelessly repeat this miraculous phenomenon word for word, to anyone who will listen, over and over without getting bored or losing even one tiny iota of enthusiasm. Never. I mean FOUR DOLLARS. And they DO IT ALL FOR YOU. AND DELIVER IT. INSIDE THE HOUSE. LIKE literally ON YOUR KITCHEN BENCH and nine times out of ten the delivery guy is even cute! Of course to get the four-dollar delivery I have to pick a time slot like between 6am and midnight, but I don’t care. I’m HERE aren’t I? Just being sick and stuff. If you are healthy and reading this you probably can’t fathom my excitement over not having to leave the house looking and feeling like crap and exposing oneself to the fear of bumping into ex-boyfriends and navigating crowds under fluorescent lighting while I feel like passing out, somehow racing around the aisles before a total collapse to then make it home again, only to bring it all inside myself.

Chronic illness?? Do yourself a favour. Get your shopping online. Save your energy for chatting up the delivery guy.

Coffee and Dairy – maybe they’re just not that into you..

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I have given up SO much that the thought of giving up coffee and dairy was simply too much to bear, so I turned a deaf ear to all things anti-coffee and dairy, I didn’t want to know. It was my morning ritual and it bought me joy. Deep down inside (not even that deep) I knew it was not good, not even the coffee itself but my longstanding love affair with milk and all things dairy.

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Ponderings of My Pantry

FullSizeRender-3.jpgI just cleaned out my pantry… ah the reminiscing, ah the HORROR. It tells the story of my year. It lets you know all my secrets and inmost fears and phases.

Most noticeable was the gluten free phase, and my obvious desire to make as many loaves of gluten free bread as was humanly possible as well as eating large quantities of rice porridge. Gluten free pasta also was in great surplus.

The less noticeable Sushi phase, was only evident from some weathered, flea-bitten nori (seaweed paper), rice vinegar (next to the brown vinegar, white vinegar and applecider vinegar, balsamic vingegar and caremalised balsamic vinegar), and a small container of shari (special rice), which leads me to the rice section. I had no fewer than five different varieties of rice, depsite the fact that I pretty much only use Basmati, 99.9% of the time… there was brown rice (both long and short grain), white rice, aborio rice, shari rice, and Basmati rice. I do have a vague recollection of becoming excited about the idea of risotto after watching some random cooking show, but its clear from the unopened packet this never became a reality. Like so much else in my pantry.

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